Bee Ona

And I don’t know how to feel about it. (Speaking about this is even a woah moment, but yeah, safe space)

I’m not angry, I’m not upset, the emotions aren’t strongly there but I’m not really used to this feeling. It feels like I’m giving up on faith after working so hard to maintain and keep it. It was only last week that I was there and a few days ago that I tuned in online…

To be fair, that online service was good and I wasn’t fully participating but I listened and learned. These emotions and feelings seem to be normal for most people or a lot of people shall I say? But not quite, me.  

There has been a sort of quieting happening and coasting beginning. There’s been a lot less “spirituality” can I say? I’ve never been quote unquote “normal”.. I’ve always had a system. Or systems. Whether it’s meditation, yoga, exercise, consistent actions etc. I’ve always been somewhat “on” and “structured”.

“How did that work for me?” Well… that’s a question to be answered another time. So yeah, being in this moment without making it a moment is a thing… for me anyway. 

When you’ve been somewhat intentional or a thinker for the majority of your life.. not making it a thing is new. Like usually it could be called a self love journey, a fast, refocusing, reprogramming etc.

But right now, there’s no title or label on it, you know?

It’s not a thing if you don’t make it a thing. Not everything has to be a thing. Right? Right…